She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
