Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She bit a glass in half.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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