I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
