ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
