My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
