just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
