Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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