I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
