Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
