do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
