Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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