I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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