Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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