either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just puked most of my soul out..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
