seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
