You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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