im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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