just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
