They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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