There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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