i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
