Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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