My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
