'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
