I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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