I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Boobs speak an international language.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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