theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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