the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
