Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So vagazzling was a success
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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