I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
