our cab driver is having phone sex.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
