Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
