There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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