This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im part way to drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
