Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
