I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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