i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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