i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
