she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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