Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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