It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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