So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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