Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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