Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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