I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
