every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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Do I have a choice?
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Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A bitchslap is in order.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
