It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
