please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
