My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
