theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
