i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
